how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
