I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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