Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
