lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
