i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
