I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Randomize
