Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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