i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
