can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
