forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
