Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
