Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize