You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
