I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
