you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
