His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
