I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
