he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize