his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
