I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
