Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have post one night stand depression
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
