ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
