hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
