So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
