I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
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