So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
