apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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