Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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