Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
sex in a hospital.. check
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
