I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
