you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
