I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
