My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
