I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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