I'm really into asian looking animals
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
