She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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