this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
