Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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