Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
