SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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