why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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