In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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