I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she peed on how many people?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
