apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
