Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
