You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
