you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
