i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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