I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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