i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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