Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
