I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You dont lie about slip and slides
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
