people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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