when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
