i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
