Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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