Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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