Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
