It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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