She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize