I'm really into asian looking animals
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
