In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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