i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize