dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
