In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
