Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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