so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
