I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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