yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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