so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
