The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
