jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
