Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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